Poem: I had to say goodbye tonight
For Amaya
That big ol’moon wasn’t quite full
As I drove home tonight
A piece of it was missing
Tonight, I felt I was entering a time
Like that of tonight’s moon
Without the grace of such brevity
You lay on the mat
Barely able to look up
I knew of your suffering
When even the salt of my tears
Didn’t draw your tongue
I knew the decision I did not want to make
In the midst of these many strangers
I felt no shame in my tears
No desire to hold back
I never hid anything from you
And now was not the time
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye
As I held your face
Cupped in my hands
I stared in those blue eyes a last time
I wouldn’t look away
So the face that loved you so deeply
May journey with you from that last breath
Then they were your eyes no more
Sitting with you on the floor
At times I thought I saw a breath
I knew…I knew….
My walk felt as unsteady as yours just before
As I walked to my truck in that peaceful tonight
Which held no peace for me
At home it felt so silent
Though the noise was so different
Than the night before
That relaxed phrase of crying settled in
As memories bearing the grieving process
Carried you still with me
But each time I realized
There would be no more memories
A jolt set more tears free
With gasp for air as if reaching for you
You were always my comforter
So many times I heard you were just a dog
But tonight more than ever
I wanted you to know
I never believed that lie
And tonight, as I held your face
Through that last breath
I never wanted to say goodbye